Breaking the Mold: The Mental Health Side of Being Childfree by Choice

Insights by Cynthia Vejar

Choosing to live childfree remains one of the most personal and, at times, misunderstood decisions an individual can make. While the choice brings freedom and self-determination, it can also come with mental health challenges that are not always easy to talk about.

“People who are childfree often face stigma, judgment, or assumptions that they’ll regret it later,” said Cynthia Vejar, director and associate professor of Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Lebanon Valley College. “This can lead to feeling misunderstood or excluded, especially if peers move into parenting while they do not. These experiences may contribute to what we call disenfranchised grief—feelings of loss that society doesn’t recognize as valid.”

The weight of cultural and family expectations can amplify these feelings. Parenthood is still widely considered a marker of adulthood, and choosing a different path can lead to tension. “This pressure can create guilt or shame, and even affect a person’s sense of belonging,” Vejar explained. For some, this means navigating difficult conversations with family members who equate having children with responsibility or success.

Yet, the rewards can be profound for those who feel secure and confident in their decision. “When people fully embrace being childfree by choice, they often pursue a life that reflects their deepest values,” Vejar said. “Authenticity is the key. They’re not bound to live up to a role that doesn’t fit, and that freedom can be incredibly fulfilling.”

Criticism or questioning from others, however, remains common. Vejar suggests preparing responses in advance. “It’s helpful to have short, polite phrases or firmer boundary-setting statements ready,” she said. “For example, ‘I appreciate your curiosity but consider this a private issue,’ or, ‘This is something I have put a lot of thought into, and I am comfortable with my decision.’”

Relationships can also be affected—both positively and negatively. Open communication with partners is essential, as shared decisions about being childfree can strengthen resilience against outside judgment. In friendships and families, assumptions often create friction. “It’s important to push back against the idea that childfree people don’t want to be part of child-centered events,” Vejar noted. “Clear communication avoids misunderstandings and reinforces inclusion.”

For those who feel isolated, support systems play a critical role. Finding community—whether online or in person—can make a difference. “Investing in relationships that respect and affirm your choice is vital,” Vejar said. “And therapy, whether individual or group, can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space.”

For students and young adults, making decisions about parenthood adds another layer to identity formation. “Trust yourself,” Vejar encouraged. “Comments like ‘You’ll change your mind’ are dismissive. Your decisions belong to you, and it’s important to align them with your values and goals, both for today and for the future.”

College campuses, she added, play an essential role in validating diverse life paths. “In order for students to truly explore their futures, schools must normalize choices like being childfree. It reduces shame, builds inclusivity, and strengthens mental health. The purpose of college isn’t conformity—it’s creating bright, individualized paths toward success.”