When Comfort Becomes Avoidance

Insights by Jeremy Goshorn, Program Director and Assistant Professor of Clinical Mental Health Counseling

Key Takeaways:

• Comfort can provide a welcome break from stress, but relying on familiar routines to avoid challenges can limit personal growth.
• Avoidance often offers short-term relief while making difficult tasks and unfamiliar situations feel more intimidating over time.
• Setting small, achievable goals can make change feel more manageable and build confidence along the way.
• Clinical mental health counseling can help people recognize avoidance patterns, overcome barriers, and develop strategies for personal growth.

A familiar routine, a favorite hobby or a few minutes of scrolling on a phone can offer a welcome break from stress. But when seeking comfort becomes a way to avoid difficult situations, it can prevent people from addressing challenges and pursuing personal growth.

“Sometimes we need to try something new to grow and adapt,” said Jeremy Goshorn, Program Director and Assistant Professor of Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Lebanon Valley College. Understanding when comfort becomes avoidance can help people recognize patterns that may be limiting their lives and begin taking steps toward change.

People naturally gravitate toward what feels safe and predictable, particularly when they are stressed or overwhelmed. From a mental health perspective, this desire for stability can be understood through the concept of homeostasis, or the tendency to maintain a familiar state of balance.

The challenge is that familiarity does not always mean a situation is healthy or beneficial. Someone may remain in an unsatisfying job, avoid a difficult conversation or put off a new opportunity because the uncertainty of change feels more uncomfortable than the circumstances they already know.

“For some, the known is more desirable than the unknown – even if that unknown might be more positive than the space they are currently in,” Goshorn said.

Avoidance can also take the form of everyday behaviors that offer immediate relief. Scrolling through social media, for example, may provide a temporary distraction from anxiety or an uncomfortable task. Because the behavior feels rewarding in the moment, it can become a familiar response whenever stress arises.

“As a society, we are primed to desire quick gratification, which can include quick resolution of discomfort,” he said.

The problem is that short-term relief does not necessarily address the underlying issue. Repeatedly turning to the same behavior may make it harder to develop healthier ways of managing stress and navigating difficult situations.

Avoidance can become especially limiting when it prevents people from engaging in activities they want or need to do. Consider someone who has repeatedly postponed volunteering at a local animal shelter. When the day finally arrives, they may experience anxiety, physical discomfort or a strong desire to cancel. If they decide not to go, those uncomfortable feelings may temporarily disappear. That relief can reinforce the decision to avoid the activity, making it more difficult to follow through the next time.

“The more this pattern repeats, the more intimidating an activity, behavior, or action will become,” Goshorn said.

It’s important to note that not all time spent relaxing is avoidance. Rest is an important part of overall wellness, and people need sufficient sleep and opportunities to unwind. The challenge is recognizing when relaxation becomes a way to disengage from activities that support mental and physical health.

Goshorn recommends a seven-day self-evaluation to help people identify patterns in their daily routines. After accounting for sleep and time spent at school or work, individuals can track how they use their remaining free time, including leisure, mentally stimulating activities, social engagement and physical activity.

If most free time is spent on activities that do not engage the mind or body, Goshorn encourages people to consider making a change. That does not necessarily mean reducing the amount of time available for rest. Instead, it may involve finding more opportunities for activities that support personal growth, cognitive development and physical health.

Stepping outside a comfort zone naturally involves some level of discomfort.

“Discomfort is normal,” Goshorn said. “If someone tells you they don’t feel some degree of discomfort when doing something new, I’d suspect they aren’t being entirely truthful.”

The key is learning to distinguish between discomfort associated with growth and situations that genuinely threaten safety or well-being. When faced with an unfamiliar opportunity, people can acknowledge their feelings without automatically treating them as a reason to step back. Discomfort may simply be a sign that they are doing something new.

For people who feel overwhelmed by the prospect of making a change, Goshorn recommends setting small, achievable goals rather than attempting a major transformation all at once. He often uses the analogy of building a house: short-term goals create the foundation for larger, long-term goals. Although the foundation may not be visible when looking at the finished home, it is essential to the overall structure.

A small first step might involve making a phone call, sending an email, scheduling an appointment or spending a few minutes researching an opportunity that has been put off.

“Choose one small task, behavior, or item that will move you toward something you’ve been putting off,” he said. “Complete that one task and then determine the next step from there.”

Breaking a larger goal into manageable steps can make the process feel less intimidating and help build confidence along the way.

Recognizing avoidance often requires personal reflection. Someone who is concerned that their comfort zone may be limiting them can benefit from talking with a clinical mental health counselor. A counselor can help clarify personal goals, identify barriers to change and develop a realistic plan for moving forward. Therapy does not necessarily need to be long-term, Goshorn said. Short-term approaches can be effective when someone is actively working toward change.

Ultimately, comfort is an important part of well-being, but it should not prevent people from pursuing meaningful opportunities or addressing challenges. By recognizing patterns of avoidance, making room for healthy rest and taking small steps toward change, people can begin to move beyond what’s familiar and create space for personal growth.

Clinical Mental Health Counseling at LVC

Turn your passion for helping others into a meaningful career. Lebanon Valley College offers a CACREP-accredited Master of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling that prepares students for licensure as professional counselors, with flexible pathways for both undergraduate and graduate students. Explore our accelerated 3+2 program or our post-baccalaureate master’s program to take the next step toward supporting individuals, families, and communities.